Fake Personalities

Never ever play stupid. You are smart and people who can’t deal with that need to work on their own confidence!

Freedom is realizing that you don’t have to please everyone. Freedom is doing you, being you and acting on behalf of you. Those who are self-employed can attest that real freedom is having control over your time. I for one am looking forward to getting that time freedom. However, in a nutshell my definition of freedom is having the ability to feel satisfactory by your activities.

It is so sad that we have to change our personalities to fit in a certain environment or to get approved by certain people. We let go of what we believe and let our guards down. Often we are afraid of what other people will say about our opinions and what we stand for. Many friendships and relationships have been lost as we are not being genuine with each other. I lost seven years of mine with a very close circle of friends as we had not yet fathomed the concept of being real with each other and accepting what we stand for.

I have played dump a number of times in order to please some folks and when I think about that it gets me raging with fury as those folks don’t even exist in my life anymore. I tend to feel that if I was not phony at that moment I would have achieved part of my life goals. I can say for a fact change is difficult and anytime I think of it I get butterflies in my stomach and a pounding heart. But the truth of the matter is: when you decide to bite the bullet and take the risk over time you realize it was all worth it.

Don’t be phony stand for what you believe in. Let the butterfly in you blossom to be that awesome person. Being fake only holds us from reaching our potentials as it drags us steps backwards. Yes, the circle of friends will reduce but isn’t it better to have a smaller circle that pushes you towards the sky than a circle that drags you back to the mad?

“The problem is people are being hated when they are real and are being loved when they are fake.” Bob Marley

Nobody likes changes besides what’s familiar is comfortable and even though it’s making us miserable we are aware of the outcomes. Being phony just makes the flowers in us wither. Let us strive to live by our own accords and never play dump and inhibit our success just to satisfy others. Let us be brave enough to erase fakeness and live life with what we believe in. As Paulo Coelho said:

“If you are brave to say goodbye, life will reward you with hello!”

With a Positive Mind
Jane

I Appreciate Me

Do you ever feel the urge to work harder even though you work too hard? Or. Do you sometimes feel like nobody is noticing your value and you begin to question if you have any at all?

If we are being honest most of the times we are hard on ourselves constantly complaining of the things we have not achieved. It is very normal as we are human beings and often if not all the time do we receive criticism, setbacks and many other forms of negative vibes. This pressure could be from within ourselves or external from those around us. The bad news is that this habit began way back when we were growing up as we constantly sought approval from our parents/ guardians, thus translated into our adult lives. Don’t beat yourself up, there is good news to, you can rewrite this by making minor adjustments to your life routine and it involves self-appreciation.

Self-appreciation is how you feel about yourself and it starts from within. Once you start appreciating yourself you will realize that subconsciously you are appreciating others and in return they are appreciating you. We should stop expecting others to appreciate us and start working on ourselves.

“As you engage and interact with your circle of support, keep it in mind that no one can make you exceptional; only you yourself can do that.” Justine Chinoperekweyi

It starts with the little things; when was the last time you tapped yourself on the shoulder for a job well done? For being a good parent? For achieving a set target… the list is long but my point is we have so many things to be grateful for. Even life itself is a gift! Strive to make an appointment with yourself on a regular basis, list your achievements and celebrate them however, minor they may look. Remember, once you start appreciating yourself you will realize that your self-esteem also changes. Once it becomes a habit you will be amazed by how much stress you have relieved from yourself.

“Habits are the compound interests of self-improvement.” James Clear

I will be the first to admit I have lost track of a blessing occasionally as I was busy focusing on the things that I want but I don’t have. As I am working on my life towards becoming exceptional by appreciating the little things including life itself I can confirm that my confidence has improved and am able to accomplish much more tasks, I am serving my body better through a healthy lifestyle, I am constantly working towards improving my relationship with my friends and family and finally, before I beat myself up I am constantly reminding myself that life is a journey and not a destination and it is full of problems to solve, lessons to learn but most importantly moments and experiences to enjoy.

“Be thankful for what you have, you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” —Oprah Winfrey

To you who are reading this, I appreciate you for taking few moments of your time to read this article and I will leave you with a question “When was the last time you made an appointment with yourself?”

With a Positive Mind
Jane

I am enough

The only person you should try to be better than is who you were yesterday.

I am not good enough let “abc” do it. Common words we have all used whenever we are offered an opportunity or whenever a chance presents itself.

People often think that I know a lot of things but truth of the matter is I am always hungry to learn. Before saying No I have to check my options. I don’t believe in failure as my first option. I believe better to try and not achieve the target than not trying at all. A tactic that I have found helpful in my life endeavors.

Opportunities always present themselves to us but how do we embrace them. You were asked to lead a certain conversation but because you think you are not good enough you chicken out with some lame excuse. You were offered team supervisor or even manager but because you are too afraid you said no it’s not yet your time. When is your time?

“I am enough” those are three magic words that we should always remind ourselves whenever we feel we are not confident. The day I stopped comparing myself to others is the day I realized Yes I am enough. Don’t let social media make you feel any less. In fact, in most cases what we see online is not always a true reflection of people’s lives. We all have worries and all kinds of other stuffs to deal with and the fact that usually none of that is posted publicly. We often compare ourselves to other peoples “Highlights” and through that we feel like we are not enough.

A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it, It just blossoms. Zen Shin

So what if we don’t end up in Hollywood like Lupita? We have our unique spotlights that we need to let them shine. We are the main characters in our stories and that makes us unique and enough. We are enough and we can make a difference to our peers, families and to the community!And that is how our empires grow and thrive.

To you who is reading this article, “You Are Enough” make a difference and prove anyone who thought otherwise wrong.

With a Positive Mind
Jane

Ask the Unasked Question

A question never asked is more than a secret never told. Freckled Beauty

Have you ever wondered why things are the way they are? Why you are not Michelle Obama or even Bill Gates? Why we have the different classes in society and maybe you are not in the one you desire? Why everything feels like it needs a ton of effort? Why things are sucky sometimes or rather why miscommunication is rampant? The list of “why” is long these are just but a few from my list.

Life is filled with unanswered questions and the courage to seek those answers gives meaning to life. I have grown up knowing that some questions should not be asked little did I know that the idea has held me in mental slavery. Questions can sound silly but they are an excellent way of clarifying certain details. Often, we refrain from asking as we are afraid of what the other party may think about us. But is it worth being a fool for life to impress others?

From doing a personal research I have discovered that successful people dare the unasked question. They question everything from the spoken word to the stars. The unasked question gives them confidence as they believe in what they are doing. For us to experience change in our lives we need to do self-analysis and ask ourselves genuine questions that will help us derive legit answers. We also need to ask for clarification whenever we don’t understand a concept from our peers. The unasked questions hold the key to our greatness. They may be bitter but they give us clarity of the path we are taking. By asking the unasked question we are eliminating any probability of our window to greatness from being by-passed. Be hungry for answers. A Chinese proverb states:

He who asks a question remains a fool for five minutes while he who does not ask remains a fool forever.

As I don’t want to remain a fool forever, I ask you who is reading this article, why are you afraid of aiming higher?

With a Positive Mind
Jane

My Weight Loss Series (Part 2)

Today, I am 15kgs (33 pounds) lighter than I was when I started my weight loss journey.

In August 2019, I started making the commitment. I began with the portion eating, drinking plenty of water, limiting my alcohol and other sweet beverages intake to my cheat day and over time I started noticing the changes. I can’t tell you how excited I was when I saw the scale at 79kgs. That motivated me, I kept going. My colleagues would give me the pitiful cat looks with concern if I was really full with the food portion I had eaten, considering they knew the mountain of food I could finish at a go. I kept going and the results kept coming back better although sometimes the weight would go up by a kg or two. My target weight was 69-70kgs and yes I am so proud of myself for achieving it. I deserve a medal!

From this experience, I have learned that weight loss is not an overnight job not unless you decide to go the medical way. It requires having facts straight from the beginning and understanding that I don’t owe anyone; I owe it to myself to have that sexy body I have always wanted. It has taught me the importance of consistency and now my body has slowly adjusted to the new mechanism. It has taught me that I needed to sacrifice some habits to achieve my target. Needless to mention, being accountable for my actions and having someone I report to has really helped push me forward. I am into the habit of writing every detail that I find important and having my weight loss records motivates me to always push forward.

Change starts with the mind and once you fine tune your mind the process will follow smoothly. Weight loss is not as boring as we have been made to believe. The process is fun and continuous thus, you don’t need to be too harsh on yourself. You just need to get what works for you. Get new hobbies that will distract you from the habits that make you gain weight.

Mindset+Consistency+Sacrifices+Accountability= Results

Today I am 15kgs down, I feel more confident, my body posture has changed. My thinking level has improved and since I reduced some of my old habits, I have more time on my hands to do other stuffs. I have become energetic and did I mention my wardrobe transformed, I promise now I rock up to parties wearing my high heels so don’t hesitate to invite me.

I hope this article motivates you to begin your journey, remember you owe it to yourself!

With a Positive Mind

Jane

My Weight Loss Series (Part 1)

Today, I am 15kgs (33 pounds) lighter than I was when I started my weight loss journey.

My story is not an overnight success rather it has being like a roller-coaster ride of trials, errors and some wins along the way leading to my ultimate price. As they say, you can only uproot a tree by the roots, so let us start from the beginning.

I was born a chubby baby and as I grew up my body maintained it, let’s call it genetic transfer. I have always had the African figure, but as we all know our society considers that as being ‘Fat”. Many are times when growing up I have had comments made like “I bet you finish the food for your siblings” which really crushed my esteem as a teenager. I remember I used to refuse to visit my relatives just to avoid such comments. My mum used to push me to go outside just to play with my peers as I was that weirdo kid who enjoyed indoors. With all these negative comments, my body esteem was gone and that lead me to be trapped in baggy t-shirts and stretchy jeans needless to mention I channeled my life towards becoming a tomboy-Men! It was an easy route out.

Nothing comes that easy. Wearing the baggy clothes had a consequence; I ate even more as I would not notice my weight under there. I became a don’t care; my wardrobe was simple with canvas, the jeans and the t-shirts. I recall my sister’s birthday in 2013; I rocked up to the club in a pair of canvas shoes (commonly known as Bata-Ngoma in Kenya) and boy! My sister being a designer and into fashion almost kicked me out by just the look on her face. But can you blame a girl?

Over the years, cutting weight has always been in in my wish list. During my birthday in 2018, I was going through heartbreak and I told myself that I needed to become a better version of myself by the time my next birthday came. Yes, the process began in my head but with my love for Whisky and KFC it was postponed every day. My breakthrough came when I received a transfer to a new city and it was then, in January 2019, I started making the tiny adjustments. I enrolled for Zumba dance as weight loss technique and God! It was an absolute waste of my money- not the instructors fault my very own.

How could I let the ladies night treats pass? I would go for an evening walk and living in the city believe you me I would end up in the bar taking one for the road and the calories had no mercy by doubling up. In March 2019, I went on a date and that became a turning point for my absolute disastrous weight loss journey. My date was a gym instructor and he told me something that has really being helpful. “I am what I eat” yes you can imagine my face at that moment. I thought it was a bluff!

So the journey began once again, he gave me a food program to follow and I became his responsibility. I would report to him on a daily basis what I had eaten. Crazy right! It is like taking a report card home after school. It was not easy at all; occasionally I would grab a pint and not report back. Of course I didn’t want that lecture. Just typical of me!

Between April-July 2019, I lost just 2kgs and for the most part I had not yet fathomed the process in my head. Mid July-mid August 2019 I was on my vacation in my motherland Kenya and yes I ate and drank everything that came my way. By the time I got back to UAE my kilos were back to 82kgs. Again my birthday came and my body weight was still on my wish list. Soo heartbreaking!

With a Positive Mind
Jane

Change Series (Part 7)

“Self-empowerment is seeking the solution rather than fixating on the problem.” Coach Bobbi

Today we talk about our last part of the change wheel, Empowerment. According to the English dictionary, empower refers to the act of becoming stronger and more confident especially by controlling our life’s or merely the act of giving someone the authority to do something. My description of empowerment is breaking all the things that hold us back and making changes in our lives.

We live in a virtual prison without realizing it as we allow our pasts to keep us from becoming the better versions of ourselves. We allow the opinion of others to matter more in our lives without realizing that we are making ourselves “slaves.” We luck the confidence to break out and become free. We forget that our mistakes are part of our growth curve and we need to learn from them rather than let them keep us from fulfilling our dreams and visions.

We all make mistakes, have struggles and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here now with the power to shape your future” Steve Maraboli

Empower yourself to create the life you want. Energize your vision with actions and work steadily towards your goals. Build a support system that shares common interests and understands what you are working towards. Get yourself a coach in the area you feel you need help the most, read more books, trust yourself, network and most importantly embrace your imperfect moments. We need to forgive ourselves. Besides, when we forgive we heal and when we let go we grow.

“The great courageous act that we must all do, is to have the courage to step out of our history and past so that we can live our dreams” Oprah Winfrey

Just like a carpenter has his basic tools for a job, you should have tools in place that will help you achieve your goals. Devote time to come up with a mind map and get your tools. Empower yourself by defining success on your own terms, achieving it on your own rules and build a life that you are proud to be associated with. You are unique, accept no one’s definition of your life, empower your actions to define yourself.

Be who and what you want!

With a Positive Mind
Jane

Change Series (Part 6)

Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday” Napoleon Hill

I spin the change wheel and today we talk about Time (Now). Did you know that most of the things in our daily lives are not equal but we all get the same 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week? For the longest time we have been struggling with delaying issues that matter to us. Many are times we plan to do things or rather start up a project but we end up postponing whilst coming up with lame excuses. Don’t beat yourself up, it is very normal.

There is nothing like a good day to start up a project, change our habits or even take risks. We always seem to forget that everything including life itself is so temporary. Sometimes we wake up with the feeling of doing something daring like starting up that project, approaching that girl/ boy we have a crush on or even standing up for ourselves in places where we feel unappreciated. However, the day passes, with no action and those ideas get stored at the back of our minds with the notion of there is plenty of time tomorrow. We postpone things for a day, a week, a month and finally years forgetting that forever is just but an empty promise.

Waiting is a trap. There will always be reasons to wait-the truth is that there are only two things in life, reasons and results, and reasons simply don’t count.” Robert Anthony

We often find ourselves complaining of how unhappy we are because of certain things we have not done. The common statement is …”If only…” we tend not to be bold enough to make the step and start working towards what we want. We have to stop behaving like that child at the top of the water-slide overthinking it. We have to go down the slide and stop being afraid of the experience. We are very comfortable and secure in our comfort zones but if we don’t venture out we will never know that there is such a thing as a sea or ocean out there.

If you want real happiness you have to start taking action of your life and stop postponing things. Work on your task awareness (Change series part 4) and over time you will realize that starting that thing you have always wanted/taking that chance was the best decision you have ever made. Stop waiting for the perfect time, there will never be a better time than now.

Live Now, Do Now! Be a Go-Getter!

With a Positive Mind

Jane

Change Series (part 5)

Personal growth is not a matter of learning new information, but unlearning old limits” Alan Cohen

I spin the change wheel and today we talk about growth. Everything that has life grows. The English dictionary describes growth as the process of increasing in size. In my change series I describe growth as progress. When you are hungry and you feed, you grow.

Let us do a recap and remind ourselves how we have reached to be matured human beings. We didn’t just become adults with the snap of a finger. We started off from infancy, matured to toddler years, then we entered our childhood ( the sweet old days), later we moved to puberty (rebel years) and now we are at adulthood, some in middle age and others in senior years. Some had a smooth ride while others experienced a bumpy ride to where we are at now. Whichever the case we have all experienced growth.

Success growth is no different, not unless you were lucky enough to be born in a wealthy family. I hold the opinion that growth is accomplishing the tasks at hand in my to-do list; being better than I was yesterday and unlearning my limits. Besides, if you consistently let growth be a constant factor in your life you are holding on a tow rope that will pull you straight into the sea of success. Just like M. Curtis McCoy quoted:

“Without constant growth, an expert today becomes an irrelevant historian tomorrow.”

Most of us believe that success springs full blown into our lives like a whirlwind, coming from nowhere and knocking us over with its fury. We forget that success comes from growth, a gradual process built over a series of time making it a continuous process that requires us to constantly improve towards achieving our set targets. Growth is associated with words such as achievement, improvement and success.

Let your success growth be a curve with positive rewards. Besides, a slow and sure growth is better than a fast and easy growth. When you feel the pinch you work harder towards it.

Growth=Progress=Success

With a Positive Mind
Jane

Change Series (Part 4)

“Awareness is all about restoring your freedom to choose what you want instead of what your past imposes on you. “ Deepak Chopra

I spin the change wheel and today we talk Awareness. A basic word but has a deep meaning in our lives. The English Dictionary describes awareness as the act of having knowledge on a certain matter or object. In my change series I describe awareness as a concept with the main focus on the internal state of mind. The second ingredient to feed the hunger success. There are so many types of awareness and in my change series I will focus on four that have utmost meaning to me.

Self Awareness- In change series part one, I mentioned that change starts with self. Being self-aware means that you are conscious of what you are doing. As my career coach would phrase it …”Self-awareness helps heighten your attention to what makes your heart tickle. By being self-aware you are able to use your strengths and limit your weakness. Self-aware gives you freedom to explore areas that you believe have new sets of skills and reduces the elements of surprises.” Recently, I was asked on a scale of 1-10 how would I rate my self-awareness and believe me not with all my confidence I came out with doubts.

Task Awareness- Yes, just like the name suggests you should be aware of your daily activities. It sounds silly right? We do have a million and one things in our to-do list and yet we all have 24 hours in a day. Many are times we make statements such as “I don’t know where to start! I have so many things to do!” Funny thing is that we end up doing almost nothing at the end of the day. Before I discovered the secret I remember I used to feel tired just thinking of the things I had to do. From my personal experience I have learned that writing down my to-do list helps me in prioritizing my tasks and giving them enough attention. A to-do list has helped me de-clutter the spaghetti and now I get more tasks done than before. It does feel good to mark a task complete; it is like I have won a BET prize.

Time Awareness- All of us get lost in thoughts and go on autopilot something commonly referred to as building castles in the air. Keeping a journal helps keep us on track on what, why and when we do things. A bold step that keeps us aware of when time is being wasted and helps us rectify. Time is important and if maximized we experience productivity. Just like Miles Davis quoted
“Time isn’t the main thing. It’s the only thing.”

Result Awareness- Have you ever experienced that feeling that you have been busy all day yet you feel you have accomplished nothing? Being busy does not always mean productive. Once you are task and time aware you become result conscious.

I could go all day yapping about awareness; however, to wrap it up, awareness is a fundamental thing in our personal, entrepreneurial and social aspects of life. If you want to experience change in your life you need to be aware of both micro and macro things that when combined build the castle you day dream about.

Self Awareness+ Task Awareness+ Time Awareness +Result Awareness= Progress=CHANGE

With a Positive Mind
Jane